Send me to prison!

Dear judge and jury,
I am guilty of:

• Watching Two and A Half Men (oh God why!)
• Flicking to the clubbing section of Beat mag to suss the babes
• Reading the Here's Looking At You in the Mx and nothing else secretly thinking hey maybe one day someone will describe me! (Come on, I know you do that too)
  
• Eating tomatoes like apples
• Using too much power to heat my room hence I am not saving the planet
• Drinking slurpees on the coldest day of the year
  
• Dancing in my room to Madonna (fuck that I don't feel one bit guilty for that)