Nail it (me) down

(My man in the hoodie)
As I dealt with the 'blue monday shade' fudge haired freaks and shirtless nonces at Big Day Out, one thing saved me...

a crush, DUH

So, I dunno if you read blogz and like every Australian music press or if you've been living under a swamp rock (lol) but Gareth Liddiard is the lead singer of  critic's wet dream band The Drones.

The Drones make radical music but if I was here to talk about music and not crushes I would be dead or something so lets get back to business.

So there was always that guy who sat up the back of your English class and he had scraggly hair and like crazy eyes and stuff but guess what, he filled out nicely and got some killer facialz hair and his eyes got darker and overnight he turned into the crushable killer but instead of killing people he wrote all this amazing acclaimed music with his band and they were still completely humble and badass.

So I guess its a shame his shitty life partner plays bass in The Drones and has crappy hair and her pits are like hairier than my butt but hey what can you do.

Anyway,

Gareth on stage is like some snarling hottie to trottie so like OMG crush of the week.com

The ultimate postcode

Beverly Hillz, 90210.
I'm not talking your shitty remake with anno bitches and stupid rehashing of characters.. I am talkin' original series 1, 1990 boibay.
So these two twins Brenda and Brandon's dad (some accountant guy who is hairy and annoying) gets transfered to Beverly Hills from boring ol' Minneapolis. The twinz arrive in the post code /start school and they are like lets just gtfo of here and go back to snow town.
But then things start to shape up when Brenda gets involved with the popular clique and Brandon gets involved in the school paper and makes some matez.
So in sticking with the Something About Everything tradition here is a run down of the hotties and notties of West Beverly High


Numero uno
Brandon
Umm okay so if there was a boy who was 'down' with the bros, wrote for the school paper and also had a fulltime job at da Peach Pit I'd be like nigga you trippin.
BUT NO! Brandon aka the wonder babe aka virtuoso of my life aka Mr. Cool.
So he has trouble with girls and always picks the wrong ones like bitches who witness murders and crazy hippies who have like 60 year old husbands and don't forget miss Juno, the teen mum who wants to go to Harvard. Like hello ! You could have it so much better!! And I'm not talking Andrea the annoying bespectacled secret slappa (umm hello who offers themselve to a boy like on a diner table, total slut) I am talking me so just hit me up on the telephone and I'll come write for YOUR school paper honey bun.




Dylan
Okay so maybe you have abnormal frown lines in your head Luke Perry but swoon you are a total dream. Your so misunderstood and it gets me so hot! Like baby, you just gotta deal!
Your dad might be some fat cat whos into fraud and stuff but you still have an extremely cool thing goin on so don't let the old man bring you down. Of all the hot bitchez in the world you chose Brenda Walsh so that kind of makes me think a little less of you. Like when you were pumping her on prom night I can imagine you'd be like "Oh jesus why am I impregnating this bitch look at her shitty fringe".
So just go back into the waves and I'll meet you in there for a little "ridin".
But also I was reading about Luke Perry on Wiki and turns out now he's some shitty guy who has a collection of ballpoint pens or something so that kinda crushes dreamz.



Steve
The jock with the killer smile. Your like an ad for teeth whitener. Your hairs annoying.
Thats all I have to say really.





David
Okay so I never really got how you were in the same classes and went on vacations and stuff with the rest of the gang because I was under the impression your a freshman but like hey I'm not Vince Lombardi honey I don't know how the school system works k.
Anyway, you have the moves and a wack hairdo and an earring, its a wonder your not the pimp of my life.
Your grandparents are rly cool too like how many old people hold pool parties and have like unlimited cookies n cream ice cream, UMM NOT MANY!
Maybe if you weren't so pubescent and whiny voiced kinda shitty I would like you but I'm too busy catching waves with my man Dylan, sorry babes.

Schwastzermannnnnnnnny

wtf havent i already posted about love of my life 563

Jason Schwartzman...while his not the most sexiest person on the planet he sure has the cuteness to match with a kitten.

Born to crush (not lose, duh)

Okay so my last few posts have been sissy electro themed so I figured I need to man up a bit, grow a dick and post some tough babe pix for yr eyes to get back to thier "origzz lyke punk rawk or some otha tuff shit"

here you go honey-babies:

Scrubba a dubb

So Ajax is a bit of a pee-da-phile hangin' around the kiddies bang ganging and stuff but I can't help thinking he is one fine piece-a-ass. Maybe its cause he kinda looks like an Italian uncle who drives a Holden and he pulls out his num chux for the kids at the family Tomato cookup and they think he's a fag but they're stilll kinda impressed.
Maybe it's because he looks like a baben P.E teacher on MDMA or something with a moustache and it's like my highschool urges or some shit but honey he makes my heart flutter. Or maybe it's because he looks like that guy from M*A*S*H who is also kind of a babe back in his heyday, listen mate I don't know all I know is that if all it takes is a bit of Amyl and some Lights sounds and dance to make him mine, I'm sorted.
Going -on-40 yr olds, oh baby.
Newest crush.

Ed I'd banger.

So Busy P is sitting in his office and he's thinking
"Hrmm, so wee wee everyone on our label must be a babe wee wee". So he rings up Uffie and he's like, "ello ello Uffie you are a ot chick come and be on my label"
and then he's like "ello Sebastian, it's me Busy P, you are one fine momma so come and be on my label"...and then the record label of my babetronica population so many babes was born
etc etc.
Fuck awf fanboy , Sebastian is mine.

my so called life.....

WITH JORDAN CATALANO

yes yes yes marry marry

Jared Leto when he was young and not in like 30 seconds to mars wearing eyeliner or whatever his lame band is called.

Talk bout dream-a-thon babe in this tv series and of course bloody Claire dane kisses him the whole freakin show!

Eh

This 90's show displays the best of best of the grunge clothing and hair dos too, and it gets even better with drug overdoses over one pill , homeless people, GUNZ, and making out sess's in the boiler rooms. but no fun when it goes into the parents sex life..

In conclusion, its the perfect cliche teen angst show, a must watch in the dvd player for this season.

Be my embrace, honay

Okay so
Shaggy hair, check.
Mescaline addicted look, check.
Comical collab with a Mr Laurie Aznderson himself, check.
Buddhist beads or some shit around your neck, check.
Collab with LadyNicks or whatever the fuck her name is,check.
Wack looking face that resembles a character from The Dark Crystal, check.
No shirt, check.
Baby, jokes aside...you're a dreamboat.

Everyone's a dj

Oh honey you can be one too

The totez crushable killer

Okay so replace those craphole fans' faces with me and you have a match made in heaven. Dude, i dont give a whodini if Dexter is a serial killuh he is one fine momma.
Me and him could be like in love and ill convince him to turn his power of killing into a power of crushing and he can crush on me.
(L)

Future BFs..

So I know all the things that make me like BOIZ LIKE OMG BoYz I mean but really when it all comes down to it.. all I want is a boy who is a mixture of each member of De La Soul.

Daisy hip hop, flower rap, hippie hop whatever the fuck you want to call thier early stuff it is the best shit going round
so here is some De La action and more reasons to love them:

Eye Know


This song is more beautiful than any 'love' song I've ever heard. It is honest and adorable and amazing. Fuck Barry Manilow, get De La Soul on the marry me case!

"about those other Jennys I reckoned with
Lost them all like a homework excuse
This time the Magic Number is two
'Cause it takes two, not three, to seduce"




THAT HAIR! THE CLOTHES (L)



A meeny meeny meeny meena what a collab!

So to all future babes...please have a rad hairdo and a cool necklace and know how to rap and just be amazing kthnxbai

Trendular

What ISN'T a trend these days.
People have taken 'acceptance' to a whole new level. I don't mean trying to gain friends...I'm talkin' trying to gain coolsie points.

It is worrying that being trendy has reached the worst point possible.. beastiality. No I'm kidding but it's kind of similar.
All of a sudden it is so wickedcool to be besties with your cat/dog/rat whatever. Myspaces everywhere are littered with pics of people cuddling their WACKY cats. Dude, just because you love your pet.. that doesn't make you totally cutesy and guarantee you a 4 page spread in the next issue of Vice. OKAY we get it! You have a bond with your animal. Maybe your cat reads your bulletins and comments on how good your new American Apparel sweater is ? Sure, I have had pets and I've loved them but I have never uploaded a pic of me and "mittens" being the best of chums.
umm wash your hands and wipe the cat hair off your brains and leave the coolsie bullshit alone, people.

Maww

ID GO THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! ID GO THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD JUST TO FIND HER


i would go the whole wide world for this song.


And Chromeo, but Chromeo are coming to Melbourne just for me.
So
life r00lz 4evuh

but download this song it is TOO good

Wreckless Eric-Whole Wide World (just right click and save link as)

Wherever the day takes you!

Talk bout de nineties studs

"No parents, no rules" the movies tagline

WHAT I WOULD DO to hang out with these mungin's under a highway bridge!

Badassin babe-a-thon sorta,

with a homeless drug touch.

Now Balthazar getty is A foul sienna kisser these days but in this movie he was a idiot gun holder with a squeaky voice,whats not to love!

Summer lovin',had me a blast

It's summer. It's time to dance, mack, crush, flitter around
and what better soundtrack than this mix from Avalanches..!!
The first listen of this is like eating a really good cake, getting a back massage, orgasming and getting a heart palpitation all at the same time..
It's that good!


Avalanches-Gimix.mp3

Hey baby, he's Mr. Wraaaawng

Mickey Avalon. The ex-junkie (or maybe current who the fuck knows), Jewdacious, hustlin' dudes for quaaludes Mickey Avaaaalawwwwn isn't your typical babe of the woods.
So why the fuck do I find him sexy and want to grab his dirty needle and pop it into my veins?
Pump it Mickey

Fire...(makeout)with me

So Twin Peaks was some hell sleepy town till Laura got slaughtaaaaredddd and shit hit the fan.
But like in every town theres babes well maybe not in Ballarat but still so let's take a look at the masculine side of Twin Peaks ohhhh babay



Special Agent Dale Cooper:


He's handsome. He's smart he likez donutz and coffee omg you could like take him to Degraves then the state library and solve some crime but also become real evil and wonder where Annie is but in a scary way:




Bobby Briggs:

Oh Bawb, is it your baby face and smooth skin or just your leather jacket? You're a bit of a goofball but babaay you are one hot turkey... if only you and Audrey like macked on hardcore style I probs would've spontaneously combusted or some shit 'cause it'd be the hawtest shit of my life.

BOB:
Okay sorry this is a misprint..ARGH!
unless your a sadist who loves having the 'pants scared off you' ba doom tshhhh






James:



Okay so you're okay you're a bit too brawny for me but mate you're all muscle I like my men to have a little somen somen but you're alright if I need you to help me sort out some home-dwelling creep or like make a song with. But your voice is wack as okay and you should never have fucked that bitch who was a scammer.. dude not on like come on you have your pick of a Laura lookalike and Donna and you choose some old hag whos vag is probaly drooping to her ankles.. no thanks





Leo:

Soap on a rope hey babah? Well I prefer NO bruises but I spose you get your own like when you become a vegie n shit but then you go wacko but then its okay cause then you have like electric shocks from that jerk Wyndom but then I guess your greasy trucky ponytail might be some fucked up fantasy for a junkie bitch or something

Harry S. Truman:
While he's not canoodling with like azn gold diggen' hoez he's wearing annoying necklaces and being annoying. Steer clear.

Ed: Poor old Eddy havin' to choose between Norma and Nadine. Nadine is way more badass like in the words of the Beastie Boys "Shes got a gold tooth, yknow shes hardcore" but replace 'gold tooth' with eyepatch or somen. But Ed's real tall so I guess thats appealing or something

Ben Horne:

Like he loses his mind at one point but before that he's a swindlin' fat cat who never stops smokin' cigarz. You want the moneyz? Ben, baby. He's a gamblin' man.. he's one helluva lover (see Catherine that old saucy bitch) and he's one seedy dude (One Eyed Jacks) but hey if you want that boob job and yr own honeymoon suite, be my guest

Leland:
Jeepers if you like mackin yr dad or some shit this is okay but nah guyz.

Ol' Petey:
He might seem a bit slow but secretly this bloke is a smart cookie. He'll take you fishin' and you guys might even find a body

Dr. Jacoby:

So maybe you need some Karma Sutra lurvin or a little hynoptism... Dr Jacoby oh here he is ! But like plz be weary he still (l)s Laura n shit
Or maybe.. you're looking for something a little different:

Denise or Dennis:

Well you might get a suprise when you go for gold but honey this is one DY-NO-MITE ladayy or man or whatever the hell you want

AND FOR THE FELLAS

Audrey Horne. Va voooom.

Partime loverrrrrrrrrrr

The babe from The Doc Martens ads
im hunting you down
yesah i have spent like 2 hours on the internet searching for you
and still no hope.
All i know that your name is Sean
whyyyyyyyyyyy the freak are you impossible to find!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait till we wed...

He designs his own costumes AND thinks he's gonna live forEVUH

be mine

(actually, plz don't.)



his webstie-

www.pixyland.org/peterpan

Not now chief, I'm in the fuckin' zone

Exceeding your download limit with Youtube is the 'sa-da-tay'...

Look, if you were a Countdown-lovin' Aussie teen in the 80s as if you wouldn't have loved this band... it'd be like Aaron Carter for alt types or something..




Veni Vidi Vbe mine




You sexy Jew, slap a souva on me face and call me Jerry plz!


An arty wank fest of a video but that singer..RAYOWR

Make out make up

So in these days of emos and bleurghy bleurghs scenesters etc. makeup is a bit of a no goer. But when it's a dress up occasion or gore fest themed soiree, GO ALL OUT!
boys, when you look like zombies.. my heart goes BOOM!
So if you want to theme your 18 as a spooky thang PLZ do it so you can sink your fake vampire teeth into my neck (ew actually) and smear pale makeup all over my face (ew again but still!)

Degrassi Junior High

Need a date for those lonely nights? Looking for love in all the wrong places?
Then look no further than Degrassi Junior High. It's a babe-feast.



Eg. :

Wheels... like okay so he started out as some sickunt bass playin' awesome dude then he went downhill with his parents like dieing and shit so that sucks and his grandparents were well meaning but pretty dull. So like I guess you could take a shot at healing his wounds but be prepared for like 40 year old men trying to cut in on you and molest him on highways..so totally not cool



Are you a science-lovin' bookish gal? Here is the man for you..YICK! Don't be fooled by his 10 inch specs ..he can turn on the charm when he wants to. He could like take you to some Anime meeting or some shit and take you out for dumplings. He is so indie before it was even cool (dumplings n shit).

So if you're looking for a guy who is gonna drop acid at a concert and leave you to look after your baby you had when you were like 14 to go to see a band and fuck you over with your welfare here's your babe! He'll knock you up like a pro



Oh Rick. RICK! The b-b-bad boy of Degrassi Junior High. You'll most likely catch him smokin' in the boys room and cutting class, but come on guys he's had a tough upbringing and he lives in commissioner housing n' shit. He's like from the Canadian version of Broadmeadows or Franga so give him a break and find out that he's just a toughie with a soft centre.




Man, I can't count the amount of time bitch's have been all "mer mer I need a boy who is taller than me mer mer". Well ladies..here you go. Snake..rawor what a lanky bmx bandit. Okay so maybe later in life he'll get cancer (see:Degrassi Next Generation) but 'till he drops those follicles here's a guy who can dink you on his handle bars and take you to the latest Zit Remedy gig.

So maybe an oldaaaa guyyyyy is totes for you like omg you want a real man who can hold you at night with experience of the world. Well.. there's always your fave English teacher/future principal Mr Radditch.


And last, but definatley not least... the smooth talkin' Latino class clown.. Joey Jeremiah. I mean if you write out tragic personal ads that say "looking for a man with a sense of humour" then this guy definately has what you're looking for. When he pulls off a 360 on that fish tail skatey and winks at you, you know you've got a keeper. Just be careful when he asks to sing he's latest tune to you.. he'll "never give up".



And for your next school social/formal/who gives a fuck... ZIT REMEDY!: