Nail it (me) down

(My man in the hoodie)
As I dealt with the 'blue monday shade' fudge haired freaks and shirtless nonces at Big Day Out, one thing saved me...

a crush, DUH

So, I dunno if you read blogz and like every Australian music press or if you've been living under a swamp rock (lol) but Gareth Liddiard is the lead singer of  critic's wet dream band The Drones.

The Drones make radical music but if I was here to talk about music and not crushes I would be dead or something so lets get back to business.

So there was always that guy who sat up the back of your English class and he had scraggly hair and like crazy eyes and stuff but guess what, he filled out nicely and got some killer facialz hair and his eyes got darker and overnight he turned into the crushable killer but instead of killing people he wrote all this amazing acclaimed music with his band and they were still completely humble and badass.

So I guess its a shame his shitty life partner plays bass in The Drones and has crappy hair and her pits are like hairier than my butt but hey what can you do.

Anyway,

Gareth on stage is like some snarling hottie to trottie so like OMG crush of the week.com

The ultimate postcode

Beverly Hillz, 90210.
I'm not talking your shitty remake with anno bitches and stupid rehashing of characters.. I am talkin' original series 1, 1990 boibay.
So these two twins Brenda and Brandon's dad (some accountant guy who is hairy and annoying) gets transfered to Beverly Hills from boring ol' Minneapolis. The twinz arrive in the post code /start school and they are like lets just gtfo of here and go back to snow town.
But then things start to shape up when Brenda gets involved with the popular clique and Brandon gets involved in the school paper and makes some matez.
So in sticking with the Something About Everything tradition here is a run down of the hotties and notties of West Beverly High


Numero uno
Brandon
Umm okay so if there was a boy who was 'down' with the bros, wrote for the school paper and also had a fulltime job at da Peach Pit I'd be like nigga you trippin.
BUT NO! Brandon aka the wonder babe aka virtuoso of my life aka Mr. Cool.
So he has trouble with girls and always picks the wrong ones like bitches who witness murders and crazy hippies who have like 60 year old husbands and don't forget miss Juno, the teen mum who wants to go to Harvard. Like hello ! You could have it so much better!! And I'm not talking Andrea the annoying bespectacled secret slappa (umm hello who offers themselve to a boy like on a diner table, total slut) I am talking me so just hit me up on the telephone and I'll come write for YOUR school paper honey bun.




Dylan
Okay so maybe you have abnormal frown lines in your head Luke Perry but swoon you are a total dream. Your so misunderstood and it gets me so hot! Like baby, you just gotta deal!
Your dad might be some fat cat whos into fraud and stuff but you still have an extremely cool thing goin on so don't let the old man bring you down. Of all the hot bitchez in the world you chose Brenda Walsh so that kind of makes me think a little less of you. Like when you were pumping her on prom night I can imagine you'd be like "Oh jesus why am I impregnating this bitch look at her shitty fringe".
So just go back into the waves and I'll meet you in there for a little "ridin".
But also I was reading about Luke Perry on Wiki and turns out now he's some shitty guy who has a collection of ballpoint pens or something so that kinda crushes dreamz.



Steve
The jock with the killer smile. Your like an ad for teeth whitener. Your hairs annoying.
Thats all I have to say really.





David
Okay so I never really got how you were in the same classes and went on vacations and stuff with the rest of the gang because I was under the impression your a freshman but like hey I'm not Vince Lombardi honey I don't know how the school system works k.
Anyway, you have the moves and a wack hairdo and an earring, its a wonder your not the pimp of my life.
Your grandparents are rly cool too like how many old people hold pool parties and have like unlimited cookies n cream ice cream, UMM NOT MANY!
Maybe if you weren't so pubescent and whiny voiced kinda shitty I would like you but I'm too busy catching waves with my man Dylan, sorry babes.