But like in every town theres babes well maybe not in Ballarat but still so let's take a look at the masculine side of Twin Peaks ohhhh babay
Special Agent Dale Cooper:
He's handsome. He's smart he likez donutz and coffee omg you could like take him to Degraves then the state library and solve some crime but also become real evil and wonder where Annie is but in a scary way:
Bobby Briggs:
Oh Bawb, is it your baby face and smooth skin or just your leather jacket? You're a bit of a goofball but babaay you are one hot turkey... if only you and Audrey like macked on hardcore style I probs would've spontaneously combusted or some shit 'cause it'd be the hawtest shit of my life.
BOB:
Okay sorry this is a misprint..ARGH!
unless your a sadist who loves having the 'pants scared off you' ba doom tshhhh
James:
Okay so you're okay you're a bit too brawny for me but mate you're all muscle I like my men to have a little somen somen but you're alright if I need you to help me sort out some home-dwelling creep or like make a song with. But your voice is wack as okay and you should never have fucked that bitch who was a scammer.. dude not on like come on you have your pick of a Laura lookalike and Donna and you choose some old hag whos vag is probaly drooping to her ankles.. no thanks
Leo:
Soap on a rope hey babah? Well I prefer NO bruises but I spose you get your own like when you become a vegie n shit but then you go wacko but then its okay cause then you have like electric shocks from that jerk Wyndom but then I guess your greasy trucky ponytail might be some fucked up fantasy for a junkie bitch or something
Harry S. Truman:
While he's not canoodling with like azn gold diggen' hoez he's wearing annoying necklaces and being annoying. Steer clear.
Ed: Poor old Eddy havin' to choose between Norma and Nadine. Nadine is way more badass like in the words of the Beastie Boys "Shes got a gold tooth, yknow shes hardcore" but replace 'gold tooth' with eyepatch or somen. But Ed's real tall so I guess thats appealing or something
Ben Horne:
Like he loses his mind at one point but before that he's a swindlin' fat cat who never stops smokin' cigarz. You want the moneyz? Ben, baby. He's a gamblin' man.. he's one helluva lover (see Catherine that old saucy bitch) and he's one seedy dude (One Eyed Jacks) but hey if you want that boob job and yr own honeymoon suite, be my guest
Leland:
Jeepers if you like mackin yr dad or some shit this is okay but nah guyz.
Ol' Petey:
He might seem a bit slow but secretly this bloke is a smart cookie. He'll take you fishin' and you guys might even find a body
Dr. Jacoby:
So maybe you need some Karma Sutra lurvin or a little hynoptism... Dr Jacoby oh here he is ! But like plz be weary he still (l)s Laura n shit
Or maybe.. you're looking for something a little different:
Denise or Dennis:
Well you might get a suprise when you go for gold but honey this is one DY-NO-MITE ladayy or man or whatever the hell you want
AND FOR THE FELLAS
Audrey Horne. Va voooom.
